BBQ yesterday was....... great... 1 chicken wing, 1 sausage. =D
Yesterday was enlightening, I saw many things that I didn't realized before. A great learning experience if you ask me.

I realized how stupid I was,
for holding on to that shattered hope just believing that it will work out. The shattered pieces ended up stabbing my heart. I wouldn't have felt the pain if I had just thrown the pieces of hope away earlier. Hope is disastrous. I've finally see that there's no point in hoping/wishing for something. If chances are you're not gonna get it. Give it up and move on. That temporary cut will be much better than a permanent scar.

I realized how stupid I was,
for only hoping and not doing something to at least try and make it come true. All I did? sit at the corner and emo like a useless pathetic kid. I guess I'm not grown up enough... Still that childish Xander who only knows how to cry and ask instead of doing something to get it myself. If you insist on hoping, don't hide in a corner and HOPE. GO DO SOMETHING TO GET WHAT YOU HOPE FOR! This world is a cruel place, you're only gonna get hurt if you sit down and hope. Even if you don't get it, at least you know you tried.

I realized how stupid I was,
for ignoring my friends feelings and trust. Friends are there to help, to trust, to talk to. All I've did to them is just show them stupid emo messages on my gtalk personal message and show them a half-dead zombiefied face. Actions which made them worried and sad. I'm so sorry. Trust your friends, talk to them when you have problems. There's no point in keeping everything to yourself because they will eventually know what is going on soon enough. Why not let it out and feel more comfortable? Bottling up will only get people to worry and you to feel sorry.

and finally, I realized how stupid all of us are,
for falling in to the traps of love, the complicated feelings that hurts so many people if not handled in the correct way. Well, I don't think we can change anything here. We will always fall into this trap... It's inevitable to fall for some one. It's natural to long for a relationship. It's impossible to avoid it for our hearts are stronger than our mind. Feelings will always give a bigger influence to us compared to logical thinking. Especially the feeling of liking some one, It totally over-writes any logical thinking we have and make us do/think stupid things. If we can't avoid it then what do we do? Nothing!!! Take every moment spent with your love one as a blessing, treasure it !!! Feel blessed for being able to have your loved one loving you back !! You don't know how many sad souls out there are longing to have that. Take every rejection/break-up/heart break as a learning experience. Learn what went wrong and what can you do better in the future. The pain will obviously be unavoidable but it's the pain that teaches us to learn and remember!!

Well, I guess that's it. Some people may disagree on what I'm writing(not like theres a lot of people reading my blog anyway...). But hey, its my life... This are the things I learn and choose to believe in. Contradictory to your believes? Feel free to discuss with me lor. A friendly discussion will only help us to learn more.

For the people in the gang, happy holidays! Will miss you all!
Love,
Xander.