DISAPPOINTED

What does it takes to do well here?? Even when I'm so damn $%@#ing confident and this is the best I can get?? Screw it la, I'm never gonna hope for a good grade here anymore.

Weak.....

Attended a meeting today... and in like most of my meetings, I was portraying my useless self. When they were asking for volunteers to become ICs, as usual I did not volunteer. I never volunteer to be in-charge of something for an event before. Whenever I was put in-charge, it was more by suggestions and votes. It's not like I don't want to help... but I feel I'm just not the kind of person to take charge... If you call me up to help you in doing the work, I personally don't mind helping at all..... I'm always afraid if I take charge, I won't be doing enough, or the event wont be good enough. People always tell me that confidence needs to be build up.... but how? I've tried to be in-charge of events before and I'm now still afraid to take charge. I feel so damn useless... I want to help...... but I don't dare....... Shit I should go find a hole and hide in there.....

eMo

Dear hope,

Why did I not learn my lesson when you shattered?
Why didn't the pain make me to realize?
Why didn't I keep you buried?
Why did I choose to dig you up?
Why did my faith not fade away?

How could you hurt me again?
How could you betray me when I had faith in you?
How could something that shattered once shatter again?
How could the shards be much more sharper this time?
How could the pain be more painful this time?

When will my misery end?
When will the shards disappear?
When will I choose to forget you?
When will you choose to let me go?

I only know...... I want you to come true...........

Memories....

Pictures are beautiful things. Lately I've been feeling a bit down. Stress from the projects, labs and tutorials are really making it hard for me. Feeling sien, I went through some of my pictures in my computer.

Secondary School Mates

I can't help but smile. I've been through so many happy times with so many different group of friends.

S9 2004 in chemistry lab

From SMKSJ to Taylors to NUS, I've met friends that are irreplaceable. Enjoyed times that are unforgettable.

Freshmen 2005 (and some old people =.=)

Currently, I've lost touch with quite a few of those friends. Most are still on my MSN list, but because of NUS, I've haven't been talking to a lot of them.

Very 1st BBQ in Singapore. (PGP 2005)

Often in these terribly 'kiasu' study environment, I've felt stressed, felt left out, felt depressed, felt emo, felt alone.

Engin Camp 2006

Looking at the pictures, I realized I was not alone. I made so many friends here.

Wish Upon The Moon 2006

Each and every one of them are the reason why I'm still sane here. I've had thoughts on giving up, but all of them kept me going on.

5B gang

Thank you very much for keeping me alive guys, you all know who you are. Love you guys lots (Friendly love la, what you thinking Chubby?). May our friendship last forever.

tagged for the very first time....

1. The person who tagged you is:
Xiao Chen

2. Your relationship with him:
Friend, and fellow stress-mate

3. 5 Impressions you have of her:
-Loud
-Noisy
-Cheerful
-Lively
-Calculative (studying too much calculus..)

4. Most memorable thing she has done for you:
Err..... sorry.. im just like syen.. cant remember =D

5. Most memorable words she said to you:
Err.. "doing calculus" ??

Don't have no.6 because

7. If she becomes your lover, things she has to improved on will be:
Involvement in computer gaming

8. If she becomes your enemy, you will:
Buy food for her so she grows fatter and get depressed!! wuahahahaha

9. If she becomes your enemy, the reason will be:
She stole my lunch?

10. The most desirable thing you want to do for him now is:
Err... eat her lunch?

11. Your overall impression of him is:
Positive?

12. How do you think people around you will feel about you:
Always hungry, loud, irritating, emo-ish, disgusting, avoid-if-possible material.

13. The characteristic you love about yourself is:
Emo?

14. The characteristic you hate about yourself is:
Talks too much crap which in result have made me seemed cocky in front of others.

15. The most ideal person you want to be is:
There is no such thing as an ideal person. But, I would say.... what "you" want me to be. ("you" being that special someone which i may or may not have found yet, stop speculating...)

16. For people that care and like you, say something to them:
Does anybody even care? To those that do, thanks.. for caring for a guy like me....

17. Pass this quiz to 10 people that you wish to know how they feel about you.(since i MOST of the people that visit my blog are already tagged.. im just doing this part for the bottom questions...)
1. Su Yin
2. Chubby
3. Carly
4. Wei Feng
5. Alison
6. Baltic
7. Sarah
8. Lin Sien
9. Jason
10. Ferdy

Who is no. 6 having relationship with:
hmmm.... i cant keep track.....

Is no.9 male/female:
male

If no.7 and 10 are together, will it be a good thing:
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, nuclear reaction. big explosions. you get what i mean la..

When you last chat with no 3.:
Hmmm, few days back during dinner...

What kind of music that no 8 likes:
MC !!!!

Does no.1 have any siblings:
2 brothers?

Will you woo no 3:
Wei Feng would kill me

How bout no 7:
Err...........................................................

Is no 4 single:
Nope

What's the surname of no 5:
Lai

What's the hobby of no 4:
Badminton and.. err... carly?

Do no 5 and 9 get along:
they don't know each other.

Where is no 2 studying at:
NUS!

Say something casual about no 1:
EMO!

Have you tried developing feelings for no 8:
Yes, he rejected me for wuiz.....

Where does no 9 live:
Prince George's Park... i think...

What color does no 4 like:
any color that carly is wearing?

Are no 5 and 1 best friends:
YES!!

Does no 7 like 2:
I think so....

How did you get to know no 2:
I'm not really sure...... 5B? MSL?

Does no 1 have any pets:
Anjings

Is no 7 the sexiest person in the world:
=.=

Pictures that represent my mood!!

Moody........



Shattered hope..........



Emo.......

Shattered

The weather recently is horrible. Hot and humid. Makes the body have this sticky+slimy feeling which is much worst than sweating profusely. To make things worst, my room is positioned so strategically that when I open the curtains I get the full power of the great mighty sun beams... WTF!?!?!?! Literally living in an oven now......

Reflection paper due on Monday, yet I haven't start a word yet. If there's a reward for best procrastinator I'll win it hands down. I feel so guilty towards my project groups. Both my HR and Design modules, I was blessed with highly intelligent and hardworking group-mates... Sadly for them, they have been cursed by having the dumb and lazy xander.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I thought there was a chance,
For you to come true,
you showed signs of being strong,
at the same time you showed signs of shattering too,
In fear I kept you in the closet,
hoping that 1 day you will come out stronger,
yet you insisted on coming out,
telling me you are strong,
i trusted you and let you free,
you repay me by shattering right in front of me,
Thank You Hope.

=.=

Was dad's birthday yesterday.. (or rather 2 days ago considering its am di..) Happy belated birthday dad!

Just learned something cool from my HR teacher yesterday. In Thai, F***(you know which four-letter-F-word I mean la) actually means melon and you if said fast enough means green.
So when you want to buy a green melon in Thailand? Can I have a F*** you please? xD

Very busy lately, labs.. reports.... assignments... projects... no mid-terms but the projects are really piling up.... sien....